Slowly pulling the repetitive thoughts from my head.

I want a new couch, but since the kids and the dogs wreak havoc all over it, it isn’t going to happen. I’ve thought about setting the couch on fire, that’s a good reason to get a new one. Well, it’s not a good reason, but it is an easy one. 

But seriously. I would very much like to clean my house, do the laundry, make a craft room, organize the basement, have clutter gone from the dining room, hang more pictures on my walls, redecorate my bedroom, get new floors.

That is all easy to say, from the couch! Plus, once I’m done, I’ll have to start all over again. Well, not everything, but most of it. I think I should live in our camper. Less is more takes on a whole new meaning when in a tiny space. 

I’m rambling today, I just don’t want to participate in adulthood. It would be nice to freeze time for a few hours so I can rest my brain. Then just pick up where life left off without missing a beat. I should add stop time to my list of things to do. 

I’m letting myself get overwhelmed and that leads me to do nothing which makes me feel lazy. I know I have to get my shit together. I really don’t want a permanant indent on the couch the size of my butt. I ask myself many, many times a day… What will it take for me to take some action, any action. 

I am good at pretending. If you met me, you’d never know how I really felt. And that’s ok, because a lot of people aren’t comfortable talking about mental health. But I do struggle, I do get sad and I do wish that I wasn’t here sometimes. I don’t want to feel that way and I don’t always feel that way. I have some wonderful days, weeks and months.  I take medication to help me feel better, but it doesn’t change the way I think. I’m going to struggle… And now is one of those times.