Monthly Archives: November 2014

Heavy heart

Sometimes things happen in life and I wonder why! Why do innocent people have to suffer?! It makes no sense.
This world we live in can be so cruel. So cruel that it can be hard to find the blessings, or the courage to forge on.
Where does that drive come from, what is in us that takes the tragedies in and helps us survive them. How do you find strength in a terrible situation when there is just pain and sadness everywhere you look.
The weight of a family members tragedy weighs heavily on me tonight. If I could take their pain away I would in a heartbeat. I know all I can do is cry with them, hug them and be there for them to lean on. It will be a long time before their pain subsides, if it really ever does.
Friends and family can be such an asset to healing. Not every one is perfect, but if you receive some type of support, make sure to return the gesture. Just knowing someone is in your corner routing for you can make all the difference in the world.

Could it be…

I woke up this morning with love and hope coursing through my veins. It’s the most welcome feeling I’ve had in a while!
I think, maybe, possibly this could be the beginning of my ascent… Back to enjoying the life I worked so hard to build.
I had 8 beautiful months of full immersion in that life, then I changed medications. The trial and error of finding the right medication combination is frustrating, difficult and sent me down a spiral. Medication and I have a love hate relationship. My therapist told me once that medication makes life easier so you can do the work.
These last few weeks I’ve been leaning heavily on my husband for support and relying on my children for much needed hugs. The days seemed to run together, all spent sleeping, watching tv and trying to smile for the family.
But today was different! The smile I had was real, my brain didn’t feel clouded. It’s been a week on the new medication and I hope this is a sign that it’s working. I’ve come to realize that my therapist was right, medication does help to clear the fog and lessen the pain.
I’m thankful for a lot of things, and today especially I’m thankful I live life one day at a time. You never know what tomorrow will bring… Look what today brought me!

One day at a time

So often one small mishap can derail weeks of progress. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to get up when I inevitably fall right back down. I’m still trying to get up from the last mishap and I’m not succeeding. There are some good days, but the overall feeling I have is failure. Some of the feelings lately are that I’m a burden, and I’m too clingy. I just keep telling myself that this just isn’t true.
With all the tools I’ve learned to stay positive and help myself you’d think it would be sooth sailing. But the fact is, the struggles are real.
I save photos with inspirational sayings I find on the internet and read them every day. In some weird way it comforts me… If someone took the time to make it, they must have felt that way or knew someone who did. Right?
The main thing that helps is knowing I’m not alone. Almost like being part of a club I wish didn’t need to exist, but I’m ever so grateful that it does.
I take life one day at a time and I’m optimistic that I will find some peace again.

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Inner child healing

Had a nice interaction with my inner child yesterday. It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on her. It was nice to meditate again and get back to my core. I was reminded of the long, arduous journey, that I survived!
I’ve spent many hours searching for my inner child. Now I protect and nurture her. She sat hiding and scared for so long, today she runs free enjoying the life she never had.
It’s important to look inside yourself every once in a while to remind yourself how far you’ve come. Life can be challenging, it’s nice to see the smiling face of a healed inner child.
I’m so glad I found mine!

Hugs

Have you ever been hugged so tight that all your stress just melted away? I read a post somewhere that said “One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your pieces will stick back together” That’s what I need right now! Think I’ll hug the kids extra tight tonight!